The Lingerers

There's always a right and a wrong time to leave somewhere. Nobody ever wants to be the one who left the party too early or stretched their stay out a couple minutes too long. Conveniently enough, there are always signs to let you know that the time is now.

1- The significant other drops the bomb.
And by that I mean the sign that you and your sweetheart pre-determined on the car ride over. Classics include: the kick under the table, the double wink from a distance, and for the more professional couples, the vocal sign usually involving some sort of tongue twister tango that leads you to the door.

2- The host/ess drops the bomb.
This involves an epic yawn or a sigh or maybe even an "alright, guys" that translates into a definitive "it's time to go, people."

3- The staff drops the bomb.
Restaurants make it uber easy for you, folks, so why... PLEASE tell me why are there still lingerers lingering about. I mean, we go through great lengths to make it clear to you: we turn on the lights, we turn off the music and if that doesn't work we give you the death-stare:


So please, take the hint and your lingering somewhere else. Or come back in the morning! Then you'll have all day.

TIP (for a compulsive lingerer): If you're going to stay until way passed closing time no matter what, make your servers slightly happier and sign your credit card slips and/or accompany your bills with the necessary cash and fork them over so that we can at least get all of our stuff done while we wait for you to leave. MERCI!

The dogs are barking

Working on your feet all day is a painful endeavor. Restaurant slaves (or any long-houred, no-sitting staff) must be prepared for throbbing knees, pulsating heels, and an overwhelming desire to pop a squat at your table.

I have therefore recently gone on the hunt for the perfect pair of work shoes. Let me tell you, if you don't already know, shoes are either comfortable or good-looking. The combination of the two are literally non-existent.

I used to endure the agony of a double in cute little ballerina flats but the time has come and I'm going to make the leap towards the "hideous but comfortable" look. After some extensive research and interviewing, I've come to realize that in the "ugly is cool" department, three schools of thought exist:

1- Crocs are comfy... but little else. You can often find a collection of crocs in the kitchen because they are anti-slip, extremely difficult to get dirty and uber light. But the front-of-house-staff-crocs-look is really not my thing.

(trailjournals.com)

for servers/bussers/runners I suggest something that looks a little more like these, although I'm not sure if they are as reliable as the ones above:

(kaboodle.com)

2- Merrells are Crocs' classier cousin. But their grandparents are the same... so Merrell's are not that much cuter. Here are the ones I just bought myself but am very likely to return. Let me first point out that they are ridiculously comfortable. On the other hand, they refuse to abide by any of the laws of fashion.

(merrell.com)

3- And finally, the "made-for" school which includes all companies that make shoes specifically for restaurant staff, the most famous being restaurantshoes.com or shoesforcrews.com. (NB: I'm not going to pain you with more photos of the monstrosities presented there, if you are curious, you can certainly check them out for yourself.)

For now, I'm going to do a little more testing of each style and I'll get back to you on my final decision!

Restau-rooms.

Here's a little piece of advice for all you diners out there: check out the restrooms BEFORE you put in your order. You can tell a lot about a restaurant by the cleanliness of its water closets.

As top chef Anthony Bourdain puts it "I won't eat in a restaurant with filthy bathrooms. This isn't a hard call. They let you see the bathrooms. If the restaurant can't be bothered to replace the puck in the urinal or keep the toilets and floors clean, then just imagine what their refrigeration and work spaces look like." (Kitchen Confidential, 2000)

On the other hand, the loo can also be a haven for restauranteurs and staff alike. Some restrooms are beautiful, artistic and fun. Check out these interesting restau-room finds.

Let's be real here for a second. What's the best part of a restroom and what makes up 50% of the reason we're going there in the middle of dinner?... the mirror. Women (and men!) around the world thrive in the presence of floor to ceiling mirrors. Big mirrors mean a confident, happy clientele. The lavatory at The Modern Restaurant in midtown Manhattan allows you to check on your rouge and make sure the straps of your stilettos are still locked and loaded in one fell swoop of the eye thanks to these massive mirrors and flattering light tubes.

On a less classy but equally awesome note, I present to you the Rolling Stones of restrooms located at R-bar in Brighton, England. Pretty cheeky, indeed:

(canpages.ca)

Here's a more classic looking restroom with some nice bright colors contrasting the sleek masculine tiles at Chat Thai restaurant in Sydney, Australia.

(stilgherrian.com)

Most bowl sinks have a way of making a WC look elegant and refined much like this one at Buddha Bar in downtown Manhattan:


And sometimes you don't even need to make the trek to the back of the restaurant in order to get the restroom feel. The restaurant "Modern Toilet" in Taiwan literally has its diners sitting on toilets and the dishes are served in mini toilet bowls. It's not quite my thing... but hey, we're talking restrooms here, this couldn't be left out:

(thebuilderblog.wordpress.com)

And if you're not completely grossed out yet... here's a video of a pretty interesting toilet concept in a cafe in Akashi, Japan:

If you like breasts so much, order the chicken.

One 86YOURSELF reader/ fellow server now living in Australia decided he would generously share a restaurant story with us all today. This fine young man was working at an asian fusion restaurant, WaterMoon, on a particularly slow lunch shift when an "interesting" looking couple walked through the door. They may have had a slight resemblance to this lovely pair:

(i.dailymail.co.uk)


Or maybe this one (too soon?):

(bbc.co.uk)

Anyway, when it came to taking their food orders, the "mature" looking gentlemen, in obvious hopes of impressing his young hot lady friend rudely "asked for Maui Maui in a white wine sauce with white beans and crispy vermicelli noodles. So I promptly inform him that although that dish sounds delicious, none of the aforementioned ingredients are on the menu and therefore not stocked in the kitchen." (Don't you just loooove special orders!)

After minutes of his complaining as his date cringed in embarrassment, the man finally accepted to order the salmon dish "which was awesome by the way." As the seafood was delicately placed in front of him, he immediately exclaimed that it was not "aesthetically pleasing enough."

Now, old man river, obviously aesthetics are a major part of your life, but if you like breasts so much, you should have ordered the chicken.

Eventually, our waiter managed to convince the kitchen to change the plate arrangement (and we all know how much the kitchen loves that kind of stuff). But in honor of this server and all those who have dealt with this type of clientele, let's all make sure that we stick to the "if it's not on the menu, don't order it" motto.

If you have any experience with the "special order" types or odd couples... please share!

Dos & Don'ts - Part I

Although us restaurant workers are experts at keeping our cool... there are always some customers that we really don't think are "always right".

To those special individuals,

1- Please bear in mind that we're people too.

2- The reason your steak looks pink is because you ordered it rare.

2bis- The reason your steak tastes like rubber is because you ordered it well-done.

3- There's no such thing as coffee being too hot. If you think there is, you should have ordered it iced.

4- Your chihuahua is not a welcomed diner.

5- Neither are your kids if they think running the NY marathon through the restaurant is an appropriate thing to do.

6- That's my pen. You'd be so kind as to leave it that way.

7- I'm happy it's your birthday. I'm in no way happy about singing it to you.

Love,

Bitter party of one.

(Check out more ways to grind your server's gears HERE!)

If you can come up with some restaurant faux-pas... please share!

(www.bradfitzpatrick.com)

With room for milk

What not to wear... Restaurant Edition.

This article is for those lucky individuals who have the luxury of working in a "laid-back" environment, where jeans and t-shirts aren't distant memories but the daily routine. Now, all you uniform-wearing or theme restaurant employees, even real-life people... some of these fashion "suggestions" go for you too, so listen up!(blog.lib.umn.edu)

I'm no expert but let's be real here, some "unique" pieces of our wardrobes are simply meant to be worn around our minuscule apartments.

It's not you... it's the world.

And that's why, restaurant and normal folk alike, we must leave our midriff-bearing tankinis and t-shirts for the annual 80s party. Only.

(blogonoscopy.com)

Ripped jeans can be cool. But once you've crossed the line... you've definitely crossed the line:

(glamcam.glamour.com)

Some graphic tees are downright hilarious. Others, should be used as jammies:

(zazzle.com)

Too much makeup... enough said:

(theswarmonline.com)

And remember! Always smile...

(aboutportlandor.com)

NYC Restaurant Week... because we're people too.

The week we've all been waiting for has finally arrived. No, Vogue-aholics, I am not referring to fashion week. Quite the contrary.

Ladies and Germs, the NYC Restaurant Week plane has landed.

(nycgo.com)

For $24.07 Lunches and $35 Dinners, we can finally put our everlasting bowl of Cheerios down and pick up the chopsticks and silverware that New York's finest restaurants decorate their tables with.

The website they've set up is pretty much brilliant. Not only can you see what restaurants are participating (over 260 restaurants to choose from this year), but you can make reservations online.

Finally, for those of us who's budget still doesn't fit the description (we don't judge!) there are going to be soup trucks generously scattered around Manhattan where you can get some top notch soup for the price of a Happy Meal. Get the full scoop about soup HERE.

Bon appetit, New York.

(Japonais Restaurant photo from nycgo.com)

I'll have the Nutella creep, please.

The common creep.

Back in my glory days which, believe it or not, was high school (no wedgies for this guy!)... I served my fair share of brioches and boeuf bourguignon at a quaint little french restaurant in Westchester County, NY.

It had a pretty uniform clientele of BMW-driving Larchmont moms and the local French "bonnes familles." But on this particularly rambunctious Sunday brunch, a "multi-cultural" 8 top rolled in. I quickly assessed the situation and discovered that two newlyweds decided to bring the opposing poles that were their families together through the miracle of good cuisine. On the one side of the table sat the grooms' family with their pearls and loafers and "I want two lemons in my water!", and on the other, a delightful group of more humble folk smiled and showed off their tanned legs with cutoff jeans.

Other than their obvious differences and perhaps meager conversation, the party wasn't more friendly or unfriendly than the next. There was, though, a particular comment made by the father of the bride that made me cringe.

When it came time to place orders, our mullet-bearing friend spoke up: "Yes, I'll have the Nutella CREEP, please."

Now I'm not one to judge... but this guy was sticking out like a sore thumb to begin with, so his little slip of the tongue didn't quite help his case.

But in the end, he was by far the most pleasant bruncher at the table. So let's do it, restaurant prostitutes, let's love the mullet.

(photos via kottke.org/01/06/ and rhetski.wordpress.com/)

Never work at a sportsbar on fight night...

...unless you want to get groped by drunk Canadians.

Let's be real here, kanuks love their ice hockey.
And you know what? we love kanuks. But they also love fight night and when the UFC (ultimate fighting championships) starts pumping, so does the testosterone in the room.

The booze and brawn mix can lead to some unwanted boob grabbing.

One particularly daring Canadian sports connoisseur made sure to give a little tap on Lys-Aelia's rump after demanding a "Molson Canadian, eh!"

As a matter of fact, "never work anywhere as a girl unless you don't mind being groped." - Lys-Aelia (Bartender - Montreal, QC)

Here's the cardinal rule, sports fans... keep your hands to yourself and we'll keep pouring you pints.

First Shift

Hello fellow servers, bussers, bartenders, food runners, line cooks, chefs, managers, hey... even owners!

Welcome to 86 YOURSELF! where you can get the scoop about restaurants and fellow restaurant slaves. We want to know what you know.

Where are the best spots to work? What about the worst?
Which cities and districts tickled your fancy and which ones made you cry at night?
Hell, we want to know what were the worst uniforms you've had to strut your stuff in...
and how many times did you have to sing happy birthday to an overwhelmingly ungrateful 6 year old?

Lay it on us, people.
Soon enough we'll all know where to hand in that crispy resume and where filling out an application is probably no bueno.