If you like breasts so much, order the chicken.

One 86YOURSELF reader/ fellow server now living in Australia decided he would generously share a restaurant story with us all today. This fine young man was working at an asian fusion restaurant, WaterMoon, on a particularly slow lunch shift when an "interesting" looking couple walked through the door. They may have had a slight resemblance to this lovely pair:

(i.dailymail.co.uk)


Or maybe this one (too soon?):

(bbc.co.uk)

Anyway, when it came to taking their food orders, the "mature" looking gentlemen, in obvious hopes of impressing his young hot lady friend rudely "asked for Maui Maui in a white wine sauce with white beans and crispy vermicelli noodles. So I promptly inform him that although that dish sounds delicious, none of the aforementioned ingredients are on the menu and therefore not stocked in the kitchen." (Don't you just loooove special orders!)

After minutes of his complaining as his date cringed in embarrassment, the man finally accepted to order the salmon dish "which was awesome by the way." As the seafood was delicately placed in front of him, he immediately exclaimed that it was not "aesthetically pleasing enough."

Now, old man river, obviously aesthetics are a major part of your life, but if you like breasts so much, you should have ordered the chicken.

Eventually, our waiter managed to convince the kitchen to change the plate arrangement (and we all know how much the kitchen loves that kind of stuff). But in honor of this server and all those who have dealt with this type of clientele, let's all make sure that we stick to the "if it's not on the menu, don't order it" motto.

If you have any experience with the "special order" types or odd couples... please share!

Dos & Don'ts - Part I

Although us restaurant workers are experts at keeping our cool... there are always some customers that we really don't think are "always right".

To those special individuals,

1- Please bear in mind that we're people too.

2- The reason your steak looks pink is because you ordered it rare.

2bis- The reason your steak tastes like rubber is because you ordered it well-done.

3- There's no such thing as coffee being too hot. If you think there is, you should have ordered it iced.

4- Your chihuahua is not a welcomed diner.

5- Neither are your kids if they think running the NY marathon through the restaurant is an appropriate thing to do.

6- That's my pen. You'd be so kind as to leave it that way.

7- I'm happy it's your birthday. I'm in no way happy about singing it to you.

Love,

Bitter party of one.

(Check out more ways to grind your server's gears HERE!)

If you can come up with some restaurant faux-pas... please share!

(www.bradfitzpatrick.com)

With room for milk

What not to wear... Restaurant Edition.

This article is for those lucky individuals who have the luxury of working in a "laid-back" environment, where jeans and t-shirts aren't distant memories but the daily routine. Now, all you uniform-wearing or theme restaurant employees, even real-life people... some of these fashion "suggestions" go for you too, so listen up!(blog.lib.umn.edu)

I'm no expert but let's be real here, some "unique" pieces of our wardrobes are simply meant to be worn around our minuscule apartments.

It's not you... it's the world.

And that's why, restaurant and normal folk alike, we must leave our midriff-bearing tankinis and t-shirts for the annual 80s party. Only.

(blogonoscopy.com)

Ripped jeans can be cool. But once you've crossed the line... you've definitely crossed the line:

(glamcam.glamour.com)

Some graphic tees are downright hilarious. Others, should be used as jammies:

(zazzle.com)

Too much makeup... enough said:

(theswarmonline.com)

And remember! Always smile...

(aboutportlandor.com)

NYC Restaurant Week... because we're people too.

The week we've all been waiting for has finally arrived. No, Vogue-aholics, I am not referring to fashion week. Quite the contrary.

Ladies and Germs, the NYC Restaurant Week plane has landed.

(nycgo.com)

For $24.07 Lunches and $35 Dinners, we can finally put our everlasting bowl of Cheerios down and pick up the chopsticks and silverware that New York's finest restaurants decorate their tables with.

The website they've set up is pretty much brilliant. Not only can you see what restaurants are participating (over 260 restaurants to choose from this year), but you can make reservations online.

Finally, for those of us who's budget still doesn't fit the description (we don't judge!) there are going to be soup trucks generously scattered around Manhattan where you can get some top notch soup for the price of a Happy Meal. Get the full scoop about soup HERE.

Bon appetit, New York.

(Japonais Restaurant photo from nycgo.com)

I'll have the Nutella creep, please.

The common creep.

Back in my glory days which, believe it or not, was high school (no wedgies for this guy!)... I served my fair share of brioches and boeuf bourguignon at a quaint little french restaurant in Westchester County, NY.

It had a pretty uniform clientele of BMW-driving Larchmont moms and the local French "bonnes familles." But on this particularly rambunctious Sunday brunch, a "multi-cultural" 8 top rolled in. I quickly assessed the situation and discovered that two newlyweds decided to bring the opposing poles that were their families together through the miracle of good cuisine. On the one side of the table sat the grooms' family with their pearls and loafers and "I want two lemons in my water!", and on the other, a delightful group of more humble folk smiled and showed off their tanned legs with cutoff jeans.

Other than their obvious differences and perhaps meager conversation, the party wasn't more friendly or unfriendly than the next. There was, though, a particular comment made by the father of the bride that made me cringe.

When it came time to place orders, our mullet-bearing friend spoke up: "Yes, I'll have the Nutella CREEP, please."

Now I'm not one to judge... but this guy was sticking out like a sore thumb to begin with, so his little slip of the tongue didn't quite help his case.

But in the end, he was by far the most pleasant bruncher at the table. So let's do it, restaurant prostitutes, let's love the mullet.

(photos via kottke.org/01/06/ and rhetski.wordpress.com/)

Never work at a sportsbar on fight night...

...unless you want to get groped by drunk Canadians.

Let's be real here, kanuks love their ice hockey.
And you know what? we love kanuks. But they also love fight night and when the UFC (ultimate fighting championships) starts pumping, so does the testosterone in the room.

The booze and brawn mix can lead to some unwanted boob grabbing.

One particularly daring Canadian sports connoisseur made sure to give a little tap on Lys-Aelia's rump after demanding a "Molson Canadian, eh!"

As a matter of fact, "never work anywhere as a girl unless you don't mind being groped." - Lys-Aelia (Bartender - Montreal, QC)

Here's the cardinal rule, sports fans... keep your hands to yourself and we'll keep pouring you pints.

First Shift

Hello fellow servers, bussers, bartenders, food runners, line cooks, chefs, managers, hey... even owners!

Welcome to 86 YOURSELF! where you can get the scoop about restaurants and fellow restaurant slaves. We want to know what you know.

Where are the best spots to work? What about the worst?
Which cities and districts tickled your fancy and which ones made you cry at night?
Hell, we want to know what were the worst uniforms you've had to strut your stuff in...
and how many times did you have to sing happy birthday to an overwhelmingly ungrateful 6 year old?

Lay it on us, people.
Soon enough we'll all know where to hand in that crispy resume and where filling out an application is probably no bueno.